I use social media to network and for support I share oscars firsts on there people you don’t see often that live overseas, don’t seem as far away it’s good like that , however you forget it chucks memory’s back like happy Monday here’s a picture of your dead dog , your welcome oh and only you can see this preview , oh ok thanks there my memories but I don’t maybe want to see some of them!
or someone shares a memory but forgets it’s not a good one for you , they don’t do it on purpose but still it hurts but I suppose that’s the game you play isn’t it by being active on social media your playing roulette with emotion , most people aren’t as sensitive I suppose, it’s only those parents that learn to live with broken hearts and the acceptance that broken is ok , we make it work
so the week I have had could be a sick tv drama to be honest, sick bug for two days then Malcom in the middle gets assaulted at school! Then I get the worlds worst cold whilst trying to have telephone meetings with professionals whilst sounding like one of the muppets , we finally get Oscar back in school for a day and I attempt to complete the list I have made for born anxious website And wham oscars bums broken ! Wave two of this bug so sent home from school his school week has consisted off happy Monday and five minutes on Friday , he’s reverted back to trapping me in the room by blocking the doorway he doesn’t want me ,if I join in play he smacks me , he just wants me in the room and today he’s watched peppa pig movie 4 times! 4 times! I’m not too well so I made myself enjoy it!
So today we’re home from school after a 50 minute round trip and I sneak in my phone , the five year old room guard isn’t looking and I try and do some networking online , I’m not caught so I get confident , I go on Facebook and I get a memory and I really don’t need it today , it’s a photo of Oscar looking up at me and back then everything had so much promise, I wasn’t being held prisoner watching peppa pig !
plus I think now looking back, did he look a bit vacant as to me at the time I didn’t think so but now I can kind of ,see a look in him I now know what it is!
He was shiny new ,and we were planning Adventures ,and I just felt a bit robbed for a minute , my pity party didn’t last long enough to erect any bunting , but just for a second it got me ,i once felt with him how I did with my other two, free, I took it all for granted ,I just assumed he was low need, a regular kid back then was so easy and I still found things to complain about , parenting was so easy before , it’s not impossible now we find our way, but I wish I had enjoyed it more before the freedom of it .
so cheers Facebook next time you find something lose it again, I will find my own memories , I’m not ungrateful for now it just reminded me how ungrateful I was back then
Engraved in my heart forever
