Redefining Understanding: Pride and Autonomy in Oscar’s World.
The Limitations of Labels
Oscar is defined by many clinical labels—Autism, ADHD, ARFID, CVI, and Sensory Processing Disorder.
While these help professionals? they fail to capture his essence: his courage, determination, humor, and the way he lights up a room.
No diagnosis accounts for how hard he works simply to exist in a world that wasn’t built for him.
Entering His Reality.
At 12 years old, Oscar does not engage in two-way conversations or understand “yesterday” or “tomorrow.” He lives entirely in the “right now.” While this can feel lonely for those of us who live in the wider world, it is not a lonely place for him—it is simply his reality. As his mother, my role is not to force him into my world, but to enter his.
Does He Need to Know He Is Autistic?
The question of whether Oscar “knows” he is autistic is complex. For many, a diagnosis provides a sense of belonging in a neurotypical world.
However, for Oscar—given the depth of his learning disability—the concept of a label may be irrelevant.
• His sense of self isn’t built on comparisons to others.
• His autonomy is found in his comfort, his joy, and his feeling of being “invincible” in his own environment.
• My goal is to protect him emotionally so his “right now” is always safe and fulfilling.
Shifting from Expectations to Possibilities.
When we define a child by what they cannot do, they become those limitations.
By accepting Oscar’s capabilities without imposing arbitrary limits or neurotypical expectations, we change the narrative.• Fluctuating Capacity: We must provide environments that adapt to his energy and ability on any given day.• Celebrating the “Wow”: When there are no predetermined limits, every small milestone becomes a victory.
• Advocacy: Because Oscar is vulnerable and will accept the care he is given, it is my job to ensure that care is inclusive, celebratory, and protective of his well-being.
The Goal: A Life of Joy.
My aspiration for Oscar isn’t for him to reach a specific academic target or to understand a diagnosis. It is for him to live in a world that celebrates everything he is, rather than outlining everything he is not. If we provide him with the right tools and encouragement, we allow him to become exactly who he is meant to be.
