Who gets to hold his Heart?
Everyone Has to Hold My Heart.
Sometimes, Oscar’s world feels like a whirlwind of specific interests and rapid-fire facts. I never know if I’m about to be drafted into a random German word quiz or an on-the-spot Pokémon challenge. But recently, the air stilled.
Oscar looked me directly in the eye, with a seriousness that demanded my full attention, and said:
“Everyone has to hold my heart”
Navigating Ambiguous Loss
As a family, we have been moving through a significant shift.
We’ve been living with “ambiguous loss”—the heavy, complicated grief of mourning people who are still alive but have chosen to exit our lives.
I’ve watched Oscar process this in his own way.
I recently spoke to a psychologist about how Oscar has been going through old photos on a phone, deleting certain people or scribbling out their faces. To me, that is his way of telling his story.
He is identifying the people who no longer serve a purpose in his narrative.
He is closing the chapters on those who chose to remove themselves.
The Awareness of a Vulnerable Heart.
People often assume that because Oscar has complex needs, he isn’t able to sympathise or grasp the weight of others’ feelings. But I have a strong sense that as he understands himself better, he is becoming acutely aware of a fundamental truth: It is our job to protect him.
It is heartbreaking to think that anyone could be aware of his vulnerability and still treat him with such disregard, abusing trust in plain sight.
But his words to me—”Everyone has to hold my heart”—were a revelation.
He was letting me know that he feels the difference between those who hold him with care and those who didn’t.
He knows that his heart is currently in the hands of those who truly value it.
A Mother’s Promise.
I want Oscar to know that he is right.
It is everyone’s job to hold his heart. As his mum and his main carer, I will never stand back while someone purposely hurts him.
I will fiercely protect him from any further attempts to diminish his worth.
We have to be reactive to the reality we are in. Ultimately, Oscar feels safe and protected with the people who are still in his story.
He has recognised that not everyone held his heart correctly in the past, and he is letting us know that he knows—and that it wasn’t okay.
Moving forward, we make sure that only the safest hands get to hold his heart .
