What happens when the forever plan isn’t solid .
It’s no secret that 80% of marriages that involve a SEND child fail I can see why the impact and toll on the relationship is immense , what’s more immense is the slow digestion that this is it forever you
Will never be love youngs dream again and never again will you be the Center of what’s going on for you or somebody else , now there’s two ways of wearing this both are complex and it depends on your own growth, personality and life skills born from the lived experiences you had while growing , it also resides on wether you have preset ideas and subconscious bias again upbringing and how mentally strong you are , parenting a SEND child for me is hard but I full accept the challenge and I refuse to not find joy in what has hyjacked my old life and I have created a brand new one with my child Center , my husband on the other hand is a different character and has a different journey .
The facts are not all relationships are 50/50 you
Let things slide over time and tolerate more than you perhaps should and the dynamic is off but because that’s the way it has worked regardless of if that’s healthy or not you run with it .
It is also a fact for some not all parenting can be a huge shock even NT parenting without other challenges can be a life shock the demands of a child totally dependant on you that changes how you live some find difficult and aside from post natal depression which is another matter , the dynamic changes in the first five years of a child’s life it is stressful carvings out a routine but those pressures ease off as everyone adjusts and most families aine again as they were , meaning it was something y out managed as a team in whatever capacity and it was stressful but you made it , now here’s where things get tricky if you have a child who is growing the dynamic remains there Center and there demanding and it’s stressful and nobody goes back to how they are that’s when resentment builds , it’s certainly the case in our house , I had assumed the forever plan was solid until questions started appearing and now k can’t view this person the same as it’s deeply hurtful and also evidence that I have a totally different bond with my child being his mother and primary care giver and through no fault of his dad the bond is not as strong , most children prefer one parent at first but as you bond that changes for children with SEND who struggle to communicate and like rigidity and routine this can become even more intense creating feelings for the other parent of perhaps being useless or unweeded or wanted , now the truth is even being in that space is valuable it creates a safety net and everything works but the forever of this some just can’t manage , and that is sad it’s circumstance and personality not working in tandem.
Our forever plan is solid for me but my husband is questioning and this stings like a bitch as naturally I’m not going to stand for that.
You can’t emotionally bully people to want the same as you it has to be there naturally for them and it isn’t there fault if it isn’t it’s who they are but you do have to work out if that’s enough.
We are at a huge transitional stage Oscar’s needs are higher than ever the need for support is higher than ever and the facts are we are not alone lots of families in crisis due to lack of support and shrinking services and yes we can blame everything on that but we also take part in being emotionally self sufficient and if we prioritise mental health and give regality check ins to it we are more likely to have success.
It is about honesty and openness and self reflection and it isn’t easy.
I don’t know what the future holds but I do know Oscar’s number one .
