Ten questions for my two young carers that I’m extremely proud of.
Orla and Lorcan you became young carers at ages 11 and 6 I’m interested in your memories before this , how you think it might have changed you and who you both have become and if you feel it’s benefitted you .
Please be honest too this mama can handle it I want your voices and honest feelings don’t spare mine ❤️
Lorcans answers now aged 16, young carers of ten years .
Oscar was diagnosed with Autism at aged 18 mths and was a very high maintenance baby can you remember this ? I don’t remember Oscar being high maintenance as a baby but I remember we thought he was deaf
Can you remember the diagnosis and that time ? And Did you feel a sudden change ? To be honest I do not remember the time or age Oscar was diagnosed
Do you think our family would be different ? Well if Oscar was autistic obviously our family would be different but that isn’t a bad thing.
Do you think it changed experiences at school ? Well no but in secondary school people start making jokes about autism and disabilities and you just have to ignore them because there not aimed at you and they don’t even know you have an autistic brother
What are some of the things you worry about now ? Compared to before ?
Before I only 6 years old and I didn’t worry about a lot. Now obviously I worry about oscar as a whole not all the time but when he’s hurt or crying or something isn’t right it he is unwell.
How did or do feel about it?
Did you feel you could ask us things ? Yes ofcourse I can ask you things if I’m unsure.
How has it changed what you can/ can’t do? IT’s restrictions are now part of my routine really and I don’t think about that. But I can’t pin point any restrictions
Are you , were you proud to be young carers , do you feel it’s changed you ? Yes I’m proud about it and I feel that if someone knows I’m a young career they are more keen to let me help them.
How do you think it’s made people treat you ? No different to any other time
Do you think you would be different if you were not young carers from so young ? Well normally people don’t have this put on them from a young age but I reckon I would’ve been the same maybe not though.
Dad and I are both extremely proud of how selfless you both have been , do you feel that ? To be honest I didn’t think I had been selfless enough for someone to be proud of it but now I know it’s nice to have someone be proud about it.
What could we have done differently ?
No.
Orlas answers age 21 young carer of ten years
Oscar was diagnosed with Autism at aged 18 mths and was a very high maintenance baby can you remember this ?
⁃ I remember around this time we thought that Oscar may be deaf, he would put his hands on speakers of the tv and we thought he may be trying to feel the vibrations of the sound. We also thought this because he wouldn’t answer to his name and things like that. In my memory he was quiet but couldn’t start to understand things baby’s would at that age like yes and no.
Can you remember the diagnosis and that time ? And Did you feel a sudden change ?
⁃ I vaguely remember it. I don’t remember formally being told about it but I remember when I started to know. looking back I was 12 at the time of diagnosis and in year 8 and I find it odd now that I didn’t feel a huge change but when I remember it, I feel like it was just accepted. Almost like I’d understood for a long time Oscar was different and we now had an answer. So I don’t remember a huge shift, i think in my mind u understood even at 12 he was Oscar no matter what.
Do you think our family would be different ?
⁃ yes but for the worse. We have learnt a lot about kindness and about neurodivergence from Oscar and that knowledge makes my life better. I also think that as a family we are all still very close even now that we are older and I think that comes from all of our huge love and care for Oscar, if he was more independent and we never shared those bonds growing and learning together that may not have happened. Being autistic is a part of Oscar and a part that I love, he doesn’t have it, it’s not a disease it’s part of who he is and makes him unique and the little legend he is.
Do you think it changed experiences at school ?
⁃ I don’t remember it affecting me at school but I guess I knew no different. Other kids in my year had better revising experiences at home when this was harder for me but not impossible. I don’t think this hindered my grades as I was quite a studious child anyway, I found a way to make it work. there may have been the odd time Oscar was singing in his room late into the night and I got less sleep but for me, that was as bad as it got.
What are some of the things you worry about now ? Compared to before ?
⁃ I worry as an adult now about moving away. I love being home and spending time with Oscar we have an amazing relationship. But I don’t live at home and I can’t just text him when want I have to wait until next time I’m home. And I worry in future it will be harder if I had to move somewhere for work or wasn’t living so close, I don’t want Oscar to feel as though I don’t want to be there or I don’t care. I also worry in future as the oldest, if something ever happened to mum or dad would I take over and would this affect my career or possibly my own family. I want to see Oscar every single day if that was possible but I’m not sure I have the tools to take care of him on my own or that I ever will.
How did or do feel about it?
⁃ I didn’t feel much about it as I unfortunately didn’t really know what it was. That was something I learned as I grew. I felt protective but I did with lorcan too as their big sister. I also worried that it was my fault, when Oscar hit his head in France I was the only one in the room I thought I could have stopped it I could have done something and when I was younger I blamed myself for it but I now understand that this wasn’t possible and also that Oscar is autistic headband or not and it’s not something that makes him less it makes him, him.
Did you feel you could ask us things ?
⁃ yes. I felt like I could ask about autism generally if I wanted to but I was also old enough to understand that it was hard for you too so I probably didn’t ask everything I may have wanted to to try and be sensitive.
How has it changed what you can/ can’t do?
⁃ I remember when I was younger all my friends would FaceTime or video call in the evenings and I couldn’t do this because of having to be quiet not waking up Oscar because if we do he won’t go back to sleep. As an adult I can’t say much has changed because it’s all I know, our experiences may be different to others but I wouldn’t change them because they are ours.
Are you , were you proud to be young carers , do you feel it’s changed you ?
⁃ I didn’t see myself as a young career I saw myself as a big sister. I know it’s the proper term but I don’t see it as that. But yes I think I’m different now than I would be if I wasn’t a young career. More kind, vigilant, aware, careful and patient. All qualities that make me a good sister and I think will make me a good parent one day. I’m very proud to be Oscar’s big sister.
How do you think it’s made people treat you ?
⁃ in school, I would get annoyed at people who made a joke about autism or special needs and that would make them treat me differently like they couldn’t say what they wanted in front of me when in truth they were ignorant and didn’t know what they were saying. Now people don’t treat me differently but it’s similar even with adults you get ignorant people who when you tell them may take a step back like they aren’t allowed to make a joke or say what they wanted when in reality you shouldn’t have an opinion unless you understand, it’s just uninformed otherwise. It makes me want to educate people more about neurodiversities.
Do you think you would be different if you were not young carers from so young ?
⁃ I was 12 when Oscar was diagnosed, I think if I was a young career from younger then maybe, as I understood even less then, but I think I wouldn’t be different I’m still me just more informed and understanding.
Dad and I are both extremely proud of how selfless you both have been , do you feel that ?
⁃ yes. I feel that you are proud of how we spend time with him and how educated we are and what things we have missed out on because of, but I don’t feel we have missed out on anything being a big sister is my favourite part of my life. I can feel you are proud of us, but all we have done is love Oscar and been there for him.
What could we have done differently ?
⁃ I wouldn’t change anything. We have learnt as we have gone, what more could we have done. I know you and dad have done your absolute best and Oscar is an amazing little man.
Dear orla and lorcan
Thankyou both for giving me some of the answers I had wished for , we have given you both just enough dysfunction to retain a sense of humour, you are both kind beyond measure but no fools I feel this is a great balance , you are both so caring to Oscar and he loves both of you so much your his team .
As a family we have had to make many adjustments over the years and always compensated in other areas I think we are closer and stronger for it , and I know you will both go into life with a different outlook , your resilient , your caring , you know what matters I’m so proud of you both for that .
Dad and are are proud beyond measure and know you will transfer your young care skills into adult hood and feel the benefits from it .
Thankyou for everything we love you very much x
There are currently 800,000 children 11-16 yrs old taking on a young carer role
