Oscar has just turned six, six years old!!! Unbelievable, I feel a bit gutted really as five that’s ok but 6
I feels as he grows it highlights his delays, he’s doing amazing and we fully accept his Autism and fully celebrate his neurodiversity, but as he grows up things seem to be getting harder not easier, he is making progress, but when I say getting harder I mean he is becoming more set in his ways, less willing to be flexible and that’s the reason it’s harder.
He will not drink from a cup or beaker! And it’s so frustrating as I know he can, but it’s his choice not too, potty training is another matter that we will need help with, and we have resided to the fact he won’t do anything until he is ready, he’s very headstrong and set in his ways, and I fear as he gets older this will get even more of an issue .
Parenting wise, I’m the one that worries about that, As I’m aware without careful intervention now, Oscar could dictate he complete environment .
Brendan, Oscar’s daddy tends to enjoy the fair weather sided of parenting, partly because Oscar responds better to me, not because I’m a better parent at all (debatable actually )but Brendan can be too flakey and , Oscars not always sure.
Brendan uses too many words and isn’t one to use the word no, which sometimes oscar needs, bren has his parenting style which is laid back and a bit wishy-washy and not always clear enough, uses too many words ,provides too many options, that’s not knocking him he would be the first to agree and we unite divided on a few things but we do agree on that, it’s just his personality he is an excellent dad , we are both committed parents but very different on a daily basis this tends to.work, however at the hard times I draw the short straw!!!!
Currently if Oscar isn’t happy he let’s out a really high pitched shreek, he won’t be reasoned with we need to revert back to the visual clues, words are just too much and in those stressful moments, like all parenting there can be undermining, and this causes a divide .
I think we unite divided on many many things, SEN parenting holds so many more challenges and stresses, and I think as long as fundamentally you are united you have to let the smaller stuff go to a point, the divorce rate in special needs parenting is shockingly high and I can see why!!!! as you have so many worries and fears you do need to be on the same page, but you also need to learn to not take anything too seriously as parenting Oscar really is a roller coaster, but in the end we do share the burdens, we also enjoy the positives together.
Autism changes families for us mainly for the better on a birds eye view, daily we are busier and each day there’s usually at least one hairy moment, behaviours currently I mainly face include ,Daily routine and school runs which I am doing is tough, Brendan works full time and it is stressful in itself ,so life’s pretty chaotic but we do stand united, really at the end of it, the stuff in between once passed, is our journey, we own it together, we are a little dysfunctional but the way I see it is, at least our kids will have a good sense of humour!!!!
There’s been a couple of points this year when it has got to me how divided we are ,through no fault of ours it’s just our situation, holidays we divide at points, it’s just what works, Oscar really needs one of us undivided at so times we share this time when things are smooth, when there not I lead, this is Oscars choice, I feel it’s important to allow Brendan in more and more so he can gain the confidence to deal with Oscar and help him work through things when it’s not ok, this works on paper as you really have to be in the midst of a difficult situation to allow for that, and by that time if somethings occurring, Naturally I would attempt to de escalate it just because we know it works, Oscar tends to lean on me for not of his daily needs however prefers brendan to deal with his personal care if he had a splinter or hair cuts, it’s nice to know he rely on Daddy and does trust him .
I’m so mindful of Special needs families and families with kids with any additional needs and health problems, we are lucky our support network is vast, some families do not have that luxury, and because many of us carry the load well, it doesn’t mean it’s not heavy
