Since our Autism diagnosis which is a diagnosis for the parents too, the entire family in fact, not because you have it obviously, but you sign up on that day to embrace it , we did anyway, it was digested and we decided to force ourselves to begin accepting that the lives we perhaps had planned out , where not going to be the lives we had mapped out, which for some is a huge huge blow, for me personally I didn’t really have much of a plan except be the best parent and role model I could be , which is still possible with Autism in the picture, I always should have had a big life plan but I was never really sure what I wanted to do at school , I wasn’t really good at anything , not really no big talents , except people, I have great people skills and I love people , oh and writing songs and poetry , my grandad was a published poet I think I inherited his skills there .
So in school I was more worried about the social scene not particularly excelling in learning, I scrapped by , I went on to study childcare then got a job that was it really .
I met my husband at 19 again , we went to primary school together , we used to kiss under the desks ! But he was very popular with all the girls ,it was a childhood sweetheart thing , we were together for 4 years before our first child was born, set up home about a year in and we’re solid, but together we didn’t have big dreams not really, I think happiness and family were key, we are both from tight knit families.
We were happy to see what life threw at us and remain the same , perhaps more ambitious now in business and property , securing the futures of our children by making sensible decisions , we are very grounded and don’t take risks , if we can afford it we buy it , and we plan holidays in the same way , Brendan works very hard we are lucky .
Friendships
We have been a couple now for over 20 years, we have many joint friends and we have both held a few friends from school that we keep in touch with , I think it’s easier for girls to keep in contact, we share more relatable life experiences through our children and our lives are more sociable .
I think life takes over when you have kids especially when one has additional needs , I’m not saying we only need each other , social relationships are so important but in moderation.
Special needs parenting opens new avenues to make new friends ,perhaps with people you wouldn’t have met before and that very much is so comforting ,and really a big family and network of support , my heart is very much full in this respect .
As I’m a real people person, I’ve met many good friends that are very special to me that I cherish, but I’m aware I’m not the friend I was , and that’s because I’m not the girl I was , parenting is selfless yes ,but special needs parenting is another level, it’s parent promotion exhausting, rewarding, a lifetime plan and it’s not optional , being a friend a real friend I don’t think has any expectations , those that have had, are long gone and there’s been a few , one friendship particular that just disintegrated through no doing of mine, and no bad blood it just dissolved and there’s no hard feelings, you can’t dwell you have to think, life’s a book years are chapters some people get written out of the story through natural causes , there’s really no point in looking behind you, not if your going forward
To all my friends ( the 4 of you ) I love you all, sorry for no more wild nights out with big hair and red lippy, I’m needed back here at home just incase Oscar wakes up , you see he requires 24/7 care I can’t pass the responsibility on to anyone else as it’s only me that will do , I know your parents yourselves and I know you know how to love endlessly, however special needs parenting means we are constantly on the verge of breakthrough in development or total breakdown ! , and I won’t risk missing anything so for that I’m sorry .
Im also sorry, not sorry for the list below
Not being as free to make plans, or go on nights out dancing and boozing .
Not responding or sending enough texts
Not being available to talk shit on the phone for hours .( I did love that)
Not being thoughtful enough on birthdays
Not being able to attend many events
Talking about autism awareness too much or about autism all the time .
Being a shadow of who you made friends with in the first place.
Not arranging any trips/ parties for big celebrations ( I used to be a good hostess )
Not being able to meet up in school holidays in crowded places
Not being able to discuss any tv series as Ive not seen it yet!
And in general just not being that relaxed in your company and being preoccupied .
And mostly sorry, not sorry for putting my special needs son above everything, even myself , I know you understand so for now you can enjoy the 1% of me that’s available .
I’ve hung up my dancing shoes until oscar is an adult
oh and lastly sorry if I’m a bit samey these days .
We all have a journey this is mine ,Thankyou all for the parts you play , you make me stronger
I don’t have two heads but this is the usual view
carefree days , me and my lovely mum
