This week I had to ask my brother a question that’s left me feeling emotionally full and empty at the same time .
Having to plan for when you are not here is hard enough for any parent , but at least you have some comfort in that as you can predict what your kids will need, for Oscar I have to assume he will need full time care so that means I have to arrange that care , Consider what he will need , what can’t change and what we can do to make sure he’s happy as he can be , and that’s really emotional for me , I’m never going to be ready to fully accept that one day he has to be here without me I can comprehend that for any of my kids but please god there adults at least ,with enough skills to survive and make there way .
I approached my brother and his wife to become carers for Oscar if anything happens to both of us, legally adopt him , they replied with yes no question , they would take on all of the kids if they had too. And Oscar can live there forever and to say that may seem easy, but I know they have considered the actual reality of that it would be for the rest of his life , they live near me , he could maintain his current lifestyle and have contact with my family and benefit from the same amount of contact he has with my husbands family which isn’t that much but so valuable , it would enable him to keep most of his life the same , obviously I would be dead☠️ but everything else wouldn’t change , I would hate for him to have to have a complete change, it would be alien for him he might even look for me! I think if he was to be kept in his routine he may just be ok daily , however it’s about more than that it’s about advocacy , progress and feeling you belong , I truly know my brother and his wife would treat Oscar like one of there own Children , and he would be encouraged to build on skills and meet his full potential in a secure loving emvironment and for this I’m just feeling very very lucky lucky for Oscar and really glad I have that peace of mind , I’m aware not everyone has that luxury .
One day he might have to go it alone with out me but someone will always be behind him
